Does our society really know what goes on in the lives of young men today when it comes to marriage? Or do we pretend to still harp the age old narrative of women being the sole sufferers? Several stories shared by men make us realise the challenges families of young eligible grooms have to face in today’s times.
The details are sometimes common, and the ones like below, can be completely unbelievable and shocking.
A doctor who wishes to remain anonymous shares his trauma of how he was blackmailed on threats on rape and compelled to marry. What followed next is #HisStory
As Shared By Husband
Couple of years ago, Mansi (Name Changed) got introduced to me through my family for a matrimonial alliance. Initially she sent me a facebook friend request and I accepted, as I knew it was the same proposal. I also thought she wanted to chat about marriage and while communicating we started discussing many things.
It was almost 2-3 months speaking over the phone and later she came to Bengaluru for her coaching classes. Before meeting me at our home with my parents, she insisted to meet me in person separately, so that we can both take a decision after seeing each other.
I kept insisting that she first came home, but later somehow she convinced me and we met outside one fine day. At first sight, I felt everything seemed fine. As Mansi is also a doctor, I thought we would both click well. I agreed for the relationship but did mention to her that the final decision will be taken only after my parents’ concurrence.
Few days passed. One day she insisted that I take her out. As I was working till 8pm, I told her it would be difficult. However, after her insistence, we visited a movie hall and later it was difficult for her to return to her hostel since it was midnight. There was no other option, but to take her to my place. I trusted her fully, got emotionally involved and we became physical that night. It was totally consensual.
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By now, prima facie, my parents were also okay for this alliance and we visited her home for the first time. My family asked her family about how they wanted to go on with the marriage preparations, however, to our shock, her parents denied for an early marriage. They said they only wanted to marry their daughter after 2-3 years and not now. My parents remained silent and thought if their side was not interested in marriage right now, they could look for other proposal.
By now, Mansi started behaving differently over few months. I clearly asked her to speak with her parents, settle the matter and ask them to speak with my parents with regards to marriage details. But she, instead, got very abusive and rude with me.
I used to feel something was suspicious about her and her family and thus, one day I just looked at her mobile phone, where I learnt about a blocked number. The same belonged to one Irfan (Name Changed). I also learnt that Mansi was frequently chatting intimately with him, while she was parallely compelling me for marriage. This is when I backed out and refused to marry her.
I felt cheated and asked her not to show her face, however, she literally begged to me for another chance. She was constantly sending me messages that she only loved me, won’t be able to live without me and will also die by suicide if I did not marry her.
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All this was too much for me and this is when I was moving to my native place. Later, she too completed her coaching and returned to her parent’s home.
After all these incidents, her parents once again reached out to my parents and re-initiated the topic of marriage. My family also invited them to our new house warming ceremony. Mansi also came for my clinic inauguration last year.
Since the first day my parents and I had visited her home during initial talks, we had asked them for Mansi’s horoscope details, however they did not send the same, even after many months of discussion. On my front, I started believing her words that she really loved me. I also got emotional in the relationship.
Its not that I did not have break ups earlier, and since Mansi had promised me that she won’t repeat her mistake again, I believed her and decided to move on.
3-4 Months Passed
It was almost 3-4 months that we were communicating on phone as I had come to my native place. It was me who insisted that my parents formally visit her home for marriage preparations.
However, when my parents insisted on the horoscope, Mansi’s family reluctantly sent it after 2-days and the same did not match my horoscope. My parents were somehow now reluctant for this marriage.
Things completely changed from here on and Mansi, who had been promising me to be loyal and loving, started using the most filthy language against me and my family. I kept telling her to first concentrate on her upcoming exam and we could later look at resolving the matter amicably. However, she started sending our pictures to my parents blackmailing them how we had been together and that they could not back out now.
My parents in return became even more vigilant towards their family. I clearly told Mansi to stop falling so low, however, she continued using abusive language telling me how several men like me were waiting for her.
In December 2019, I finally called it quits, however, she still tried to contact me. She had been in touch with Irfan yet again and I told her everything had ended between us. I also cancelled the train tickets which I booked for travelling to her exam venue.
By end of January this year, my parents were on a look out for another alliance. When she learnt about this, next day she dragged me to police station threatening me that I should marry her or she would lodge a rape case under Section 376 of IPC against me.
Whatever happened between us was consensual, and me or my family were not into it to trap her. Its just that the alliance didn’t work out and now she was charging me of raping her.
Gave Into Blackmailing
Being a doctor who had recently started practice, I did not want any case or bad name in society. Despite all the trauma, I gave into her harassment and agreed for marriage. And hell…now we were married!
However, I maintained a distance from her and was living by myself in the same home, despite us being the only two people in the house. She kept pleading that she was visiting temples etc. and once again I believed her emotional drama and decided to look forward in life, forgetting everything she had done to me and my family.
We also discussed about family planning.
We had decided that we won’t plan a child since she was preparing for her post graduation. Mansi repeatedly kept chatting with Irfan every now and then and when I confronted her, she almost forced me and got impregnated.
When she asked for my opinion, I told her honestly that I wasn’t ready as yet, but left the choice to her completely if she wanted to continue or abort. It was a six week pregnancy and she too agreed that maybe she wasn’t prepared either for a baby as of now.
We both together visited a doctor who prescribed her tablets for abortion. Later, I dropped her to her parent’s place and went to my hospital for routine work. However, Mansi went to her uncle’s home instead and cooked up a story that it was me who was forcing her to abort. I once again made it clear to her that it was her wish if she wanted to continue since she had not yet taken the tabs.
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Her constant lies made me completely disrespect her to an extent where I did not want to see her face. I just kept working and concentrated on my work.
Mansi did ultimately go in for abortion, but was unhappy with my indifferent behaviour. She kept quarrelling daily with me constantly balmed me for ‘forceful abortion’.
Being a doctor herself, she had lost all her professional ethics and turned into a horrible person. She even started her old tricks of using filthy language against me and my parents. With such behaviour, I maintained as much distance from her as I could. She kept sending me text messages saying she will end her life and write my parents’ and my name in the suicide noted.
Husband Visits Women’s Police Station
I finally landed up at the women’s police station accusing her of threatening me and my family. To my shock, the officials totally refused to take any action against her. They only called her for counseling and left her after that.
After this, I was well aware that she will create more trouble if I continued living with her. So I finally left my native place and went away from her. She even managed to trace my location and returned asking me to be with her.
Situation As On Date
I am still away from her and have finally filed a case of legal separation. Court has sent her a notice and granted temporary injunction order. I am currently unaware if Mansi has also filed any cases against me…. I am not sure….