What is marriage? How do we define it in today’s terms? Considered to be an eternal pious bond which is meant to be forever, has the same been reduced only to compromise for society and legal securities? How many couples, who cannot see eye to eye, do not separate only for the sake of their children?
These are real, yet tough questions and there can never be a black or white answer for the same. Yet, one needs to understand that when you choose to marry, you are signing an undeclared pledge where both spouses are expected to be loyal to the other. Some may say these are again debatable points, however, in our opinion, if you are only living with your partner for some sort of status or security, that is considered to be even worse than the actual cheating.
We spoke to one such husband from Bengaluru who shared every account of his marriage journey – the betrayal, his compromise and the ultimate shocker.
Vivek Rao (Name Changed) was born and brought up in Hyderabad. After completing his education he was working at an IT company in Bengaluru. At the age of 26, he met his to-be wife Preeti (Name Changed) at his office, and the girl who was a fresher and just out of college (20-years-old), immediately fell in love and proposed to him for marriage within a week.
Since the man’s family was looking for a suitable alliance and Preeti happened to be from the same cultural background as that of Vivek, the man too considered taking her proposal home. Preeti who was born and raised in Mysore, also informed her parents and both families exchanged horoscopes. However, there was a problem with the astrological cards and Vivek’s father requested him to call off the alliance if he had not made any serious commitment. Nonetheless, boy’s side later accepted the union just for the sake of their son’s happiness and gave a go ahead to the marriage.
Marriage, First Child & Misunderstandings
Vivek and Preeti tied the knot in 2008 and had their first son in 2009. Amidst the wife’s pregnancy, husband lost his job during the 2008 financial meltdown, however, he managed to get another job — this time in Chennai.
Since Preeti was expecting, Vivek took a transfer from Chennai to Hyderabad in his new organisation, so that the mother and yet to be born child could be kept under the care of his parents.
In 2011, during his stint at work in his home town, Vivek was hounded by another unmarried female in his organisation. Despite telling her clearly that he was married and father of a child, this lady was totally infatuated with him and kept pestering him constantly.
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My biggest mistake was I did not inform my wife about this, assuming the matter would die down at work. However, to my shock, this woman traced my wife’s number and started threatening to come home and informing all, that she wanted to marry me.
Vivek later informed the woman’s brother to take control of her behaviour and eventually she got married to someone else and was out of his life. Since Vivek had nothing to hide, he had casually ignored deleting her chats from his mobile, which in those days never had a lock code.
One fine day, Preeti got hold of those messages and a big confusion followed. Vivek had no clue where that woman was post her marriage, while his wife believed he was trying to hide his extra marital affair. To overcome all these misunderstandings, Vivek encouraged Preeti to take up a job which would keep her productively engaged through the day.
‘Productive Engagement’ Of Wife Turns Worse For Husband
Preeti joined a school in Hyderabad and within 2-3 months, she started having an affair with one of the PT sirs at her school. This gentleman’s brother-in-law once stopped Vivek midway and informed him about this illicit relationship, however, the latter asked him to get lost instead of fuelling his mind.
Within a week from that incident, principal of the school called Vivek enquiring whether Preeti was with him as she had taken leave on the pretext of passport application. When the wife returned home, Vivek confronted about her whereabouts, but Preeti changed the topic suggesting she had gone in search of the girl with whom she suspected Vivek to be having an affair. The husband exclaims,
After 15 days I saw messages on her phone to that PT sir, where she had written I Love You, I want to be with you…This time when I confronted her, she threw her mangalsutra, did melodrama and eventually both side communities were summoned.
During consultation from both ends, Preeti accepted her fault that she got carried away and agreed to mend things from here on. She also quit her job. This is the first time husband overlooked the matter and a year passed.
Second Child & Continuing Affairs
In 2013, the couple had their second boy child and according to Vivek, his wife’s behaviour started becoming worse from hereon. To assist her with the small baby, Vivek started working from home. However, Preeti would doubt every movement of her husband — whether while he would stand on the balcony for smoking or go to the market to get groceries. She constantly taunted and accused him of looking at other women.
By this time, husband’s parents decided to move out of the home and also asked daughter-in-law to restart her job. The wife now picked up a new job at a BPO where she would work in late night shifts. Vivek says,
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Once again I learnt she was dating a guy named Julius (Name Changed) and when I questioned her, she denied the same. There was also a third man with whom she was having an affair at the same office and due to her unprofessional ethics, she was also asked to leave her job without notice.
By now having flings had become a matter of ‘My Life My Choice’ for Preeti and despite Vivek confronting and warning her, she continued her acts as usual. At her work stint in yet another organisation, she started dating a fourth man named Sidharth (Name Changed) with whom she would also exchange her nude pictures. According to Vivek, he had downloaded her Whatsapp web app on his laptop and was thus privy to her personal chats. He says,
I even threatened Sidharth to stay away from my wife and lodged a complaint with one of the DCPs in 2015. Police registered a complaint, not an FIR, and warned Sidharth, where he was also made to pay up some court fee.
My wife was summoned by Mahila police where she said there was no problem and she did not have any complaints with me.
After this episode, Preeti emailed her husband in October 2015 apologising and telling him how much she needed him and also said sorry. Vivek was happy that perhaps there was an end to his marital woes now. But no…..things were far from being over.
Affair With Fifth Man – This Time A Serious One
Preeti once again ‘fell in love’ with a new man named Sreesanth (Name Changed) and by 2016, Vivek went into deep depression. He was unable to share these things with his parents. It is only one day when he fainted at home, his parents took him to the hospital and learnt about his deteriorating condition.
My wife also joined me at the hospital, however, she was least concerned and constantly busy on her mobile. There were times, when I had to carry my own drip and go to the toilet all alone.
In February 2017, Preeti left Vivek with their elder son Vishesh (Name Changed) and walked out with the younger child Prathmesh (Name Changed). She moved in with her parents at Mysore.
The same day Vivek called Sreesanth and blasted him for ruining his life. Vivek later moved to Chennai with Vishesh, where his elderly mother too joined them. Nonetheless, Vivek was paying every penny and taking care of Prathmesh financially, who had been taken away by his mother.
Preeti called up Vivek’s friend and cooked up a false sob story, basis which the man who was in HR, got her a new job at Infosys Mysore. The couple lived separately in this arrangement until March 2018 and Vivek also expressed how difficult it was for his own parents to live separately just for his mother to be with him.
Husband now wanted both his sons to be in contact with each other and thus he requested Preeti to let the boys meet often. Vivek once again moved based back to Bengaluru, which was closer to Mysore so that both Vishesh and Prathmesh could meet each other more frequently.
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This is how things had been thus far. One day, Vivek happened to see his wife’s mobile while making his boys play at her home, and he learnt how her affair with Sreesanth continued over past years. He says,
Prathmesh was playing on his mother’s mobile when it got stuck. When he asked me to unlock the same, I read messages from my wife quoting I want to fu(k you, where Sreesanth wrote back saying whenever you want I am ready to go…
Vivek immediately showed these messages to Preeti’s parents but again matter was somehow shelved. In December 2019, the couple also jointly attended Preeti’s younger sister’s wedding in Kerala where he learnt how his wife had travelled to Pune, Andamans, Bangkok and other places with Sreesanth. He also got hold of her flight tickets, room bookings and messages where she had expressed her wish to marry this other man.
Despite Preeti’s father too being angry at this, his daughter was able to fool him yet again. But from hereon, things took a different turn. Vivek shares,
My father-in-law who had only two daughters, insisted how he wanted to legally adopt my younger son, who happens to be his grandson. He told me since he did not have a son of his own, he wanted to make Prathmesh his legal heir.
By now Vivek said his wife and her family’s behaviour had completely changed towards his elder son Vishesh.
Preeti later asked Vivek to rent a separate home across her house in Mysore since her relationship with own parents was also getting estranged due to her lifestyle. Vivek rented an apartment and also paid rent for 18-months, despite him not living there. However, whenever he did visit for making the both sons meet, he would live in that apartment.
Lockdown & Locked Out
Husband was stationed at Mysore home during lockdown. Despite strict orders asking people to stay indoors, Preeti was missing on May 2 and 3 from the home. Vivek says his wife would get agitated if he expected her to take care of children especially in times of COVID. Vivek shared,
On May 8, Mysore police arrived at our rented home and took me along to the police station. My wife and my elder son joined us along. I was surrounded by cops even without her registering any complaint. The senior inspector just asked her what do you want. When I tried to intervene he said…..’You shut up, you go’…….When my elder son said he wanted to come with papa, the inspector told him rudely……’You also go’.
Vivek was thrown out of Mysore on his wife’s word and had to move back to Bengaluru where he took shelter in one PG. Even before leaving Mysore, Vivek once again told Preeti that he was wiling to forgive and forget everything if she wanted to make the marriage work.
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Vivek later wrote an email to the commissioner, who then called Preeti and her father to the police station on Sunday May 17. Furious by this move, the wife later messaged her elder son saying she was busy with his father’s gift.
Our elder son tells me you both are always fighting and so I don’t miss my mom either.
As On Date (May 25, 2020)
Preeti has restricted any contact of father with the younger son. She has informed Vivek that he will be receiving a legal notice soon. She has also instructed the husband to get a legal order in case he wishes to speak to his son.
My wife has confessed to one of her colleagues that she wanted to marry Sreesanth, however, he backed out at the last minute. Despite this, she had the audacity to tell me if I would have given her more time and trusted her, she would have returned.
Vivek too now wants to file for divorce once the courts resume hearings. He ends the conversation by saying,
I don’t want to embarrass her, however, in case she plays dirty, I will be forced to expose her private life.
We had posed this question on twitter asking how easy it was for a husband to walk out of marriage, despite knowing about his wife’s several affairs. Here’s what the social media wrote then:
Should a husband forgive & overlook his wife’s several affairs over the years in the interest of their children?
Just concluded a telephonic interview with a husband who has witnessed at least 4-5 affairs of his wife over 11-years
Will be published shortly!#MenToo
— Men’s Day Out (@MensDayOutIndia) May 20, 2020
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